Just when you thought he was gone forever...

Uncle Salty shared a sweet little treat with us via youtube link this morning. If this ain't a motto to live by, I don't know what is!

Uncle Salty's Shameless Plug of the Day

Lots of good new stuff going on in Uncle Salty's Corner. Including an article on "What to do if a body part falls off." Here's how he's making sure that knowledge gets out there! Don't forget the "shmear".

Posted by Guest Blogger: HSmith

Skeet In the Office with Salty

Yes, you read that correctly. Salty is CONSTANTLY saying "Skeet" in the office. He believes that "gleeking" is called "skeeting". Apparently he's not familiar with the Lil' John definition of this colorful word. In fact, just this morning after accidentally spiting on me whilst talking, he declared, "Oh sorry, I just skeeted on you."

Salty followed up with an email attempting to prove his definition correct:

Posted by Guest Blogger: HSmith

A Few Additions to Crazy, Er Uncle Salty's, Corner!

Well, Salty took off early to take one of his bazillion dogs to the Vet. But he didn't leave us hanging, there are new and important additions to the corner!

Don't mess with Mommy, have a good day damnit!

Anna is ALWAYS watching. Salty thinks he's Anna and loves to judge and criticize his ladies and their looks. Total fashion whore. 

I'm only surprised this didn't make the corner sooner...

The most surprising thing about this post is that Salty wrote it all himself based on knowledge he gained from his many science magazines.

Easily the most important piece of advice Salty has for the world. Definitely don't send another minute moist peeps.

Posted by Guest Blogger: HSmith

Apparently All Uncle Saltys Will Take a Stance MoFo!

Oh it's true. A restaurant called "Olde Salty's", located in North Carolina no less (home of the original Uncle Salty), has banned screaming kids. Salty would totes do that!!



Posted by Guest Blogger: HSmith

Uncle Salty's Long Lost Son

I don't even know how it would be possible for Uncle Salty to have a son this young...but alas, I have found him.

Apple don't fall far from the tree, y'all.

Posted By Guest Blogger: Clarkie

Add This to the Dictionary - Salty Has Spoken

Oh Salty, he's known to butcher words, that's for sure. But it's not often that we're treated to an entirely new word! Salty's vocabulary is quite expansive. We encourage you to commit this to memory.

Posted by Guest Blogger: HSmith, SPalmer

How Did Salty Ever Find Time to Take a Day Off?

Well, today we will be light on the hahas because Salty took the day off. We heard something about getting his hair highlighted? Either way, we're not sure how he found the time to be out of the office, given his busy schedule. Straight from his dry erase, a week in the life of Salty:

Looks like Salty is planning to trim up for Saturday.

Posted by Guest Blogger: HSmith, Tater

AT&T Has Gone and Burned the Salt Dawg!

Earlier today we heard a familiar sound coming from Salty's cube...the sound of Salty arguing with Customer Service! (Imagine that, only 3 days in and we've already got a fresh customer service rant to share with you.) Salty is having issues with AT&T and their billing practices. We tried to listen in on his call once he packed up his extreme anger and took it to a conference room for the duration of the tongue lashing, but he hung up on them before it got really good. BUT! Lucky for us (and you), a Salty argument with customer service does not end with the hang up. Oh no it does not. There are still angry emails to be sent! Enjoy!

Predictable Customer Service Response:

SALTY'S REVENGE!

Posted by Guest Blogger: HSmith

A Standard Email Convo between Tater and Uncle Salty

Uncle Salty's Inappropriate Video of the Day

There are no words. Well, unless you are Salty. Because here's what he had to saw while watching: "Make it talk, make it talk, make it clap. Mmm hmm. That's some bizzkits and grrrrravy right thur. Mmm Hmm."



Posted by Guest Blogger: HSmith, Clarkie, and Tater

Update: Uncle Salty's Corner

Uncle Salty's Corner goes too far - and it's only the 3rd day of it's existence. Today, we see new activity regarding Salty's love of the Poor Claires, DooDooBrown, unicorns, and jibberish.

Enjoy it here, because it won't last thru the end of the day. Big Daddy's back tomorrow:

Yes, he donates to the Poor Claires and suggests that all us sinners to so. Buying his way into Heaven and all:

And of course there were the pearls of wisdom:

Dee-lissy-oh-soe?! Is that spanglish? I'm offended.

Posted by Guest Blogger: Clarkie

Salty's Sweet Side

Sometimes Uncle Salty can actually be very sweet! Like when he does something awesome for your thirtieth birthday party and gets you a Carrie Bradshaw Barbie birthday cake! It's mostly to rub in the faces of everyone else who doesn't have someone as cool as Salty taking care of them on their birthdays. You know, the little people.

Posted by Guest Blogger: HSmith

Tales from the Library: It All Comes Back to Poop

It's not uncommon to return from lunch and see Ol' Salty exit the elevator on floor 2. Why is that strange? Well, we work on the 4th floor of the building. Salty has designated the facilities on the 2nd floor as "The Library" and a more proper place to do his bidnaz. Often, Salty wants to make sure we are properly informed of his BMs, so he shares the details with us via text. An example:

It's never a bad time to talk about poop with Uncle Salty! Be it his own or his dogs.

Posted by Guest Blogger: H Smith

Customer Service Totally Ruins My Special Moments

Ahhh a trip down memory lane. This may be the first time that I was introduced to Uncle Salty's extreme anger. But it certainly wasn't the last! Let's review and evaluate one of Uncle Salty's exceptionally crafted emails to a customer service department that has gone and done him wrong!

And so it begins.....

  























How nice, a response!

And then.....

Let this be a lesson. If you mess up Uncle Salty's special day, you will get an email about it!!!

 Posted by Guest Blogger: HSmith

Uncle Salty's Corner

Last week, Uncle Salty decided that our spare kitchen at work was depressing and needed some Uncle Salty flair. Naturally, that translated into a cork-board collage of the following:

• A sign designating this as "Uncle Salty's Corner" 
• Interesting article that shows Salty's depth of knowledge and character
• Words to live by (a.k.a. frontier gibberish)
• About 1,000 pushpins

Believe it:

And a close-up on those words of wisdom:

Let your brain marinate on that, bitches.

Post By Guest Blogger: Clarkie

Crazy Train, Leaving the Station

Okay, the only way to start this blog is with an introduction. Try to keep up. Uncle Salty is near and dear to our hearts. He tells us completely inappropriate, and totally hilarious, things every day of our lives. Who are we to keep these to ourselves? We have decided that we can't keep a lid on this hilarity any longer. We give you www.vodkapoopsglittersuckit.blogspot.com Your one and only source into the scandalous life of the insane asylum's elite, yes we mean Uncle Salty. We'll post his funny stories, his off-color jokes, his hilarious rants on unsuspecting customer service people, his drunk voicemails, you name it.

We encourage you to hop on board the crazy train, if you think that you can handle it. And if you can't, well then SUCKIT.